there has been alot on my mind of late. and yes, with each passing day i feel more and more annoyed about things and more unsatisfied with life.
i came back to a day which made me realise that i was back to my happy times. a day when all i did was to snuggle up in ur arms and be happy. to a time when i felt really lucky to be back to a time when i felt totally loved to a time when i felt the warmth, the joy and the bliss. and to a time when i thought everything was well. esp since my baobei was back by my side...
but the week turned out so totally different.
uni started on monday. i wanted to start the new sem on a fresh note. being there for all my lectures and being totally prepared for tutes. i wanted you to start the sem on a new note too.. but what really upseted me on that day was that u got angry with me over the silliest thing ever. over some lame piece of anat questions. and that i didnt hear you when u called me.. but the truth was that i didnt hear you at all. and so you got angry with me. what got me even angrier was that you didnt look for me after anat and you sat with a whole bunch of girls and were laughing away during histology when u just screamed at bao before histology. i saved u a seat.. but u didnt even realise i was there. and when i called u and msged u.. u didnt reply till i had happily walked out of histology. and after this whole ordeal, u expected an apology from me. when i eventually said sorry.. u expected another apology.
mon night. went for dinner with ur good friend. i know u needed the car so i kindly offered to let you have it. didnt know i was so un-welcomed at the dinner. esp since you were going out wiht him in my car. and u made it sound as if i was forcing you to include me for dinner. but i swear, u asked if i wanted to eat with u all.. and i did say i wanted to.. but u still drove in the direction of my apt.. as if saying u didnt welcome my company. and even after i took my books and started walking home from chinatown did u come chasing after me to join u all for dinner. post dinner, u said that u needed to go home early.. but u still went out. promised to call.. but u didnt. and even as late as midnight..i had no idea where u were.
tues last day before the exam. supposed to be studying. waited for my car.. but all i got was 'coming soon' and no where to be found or seen till like 4. was starving, thankfully bao bought lunch. which was good. but was seriously tired from waiting all day for the car.. and for the lunch. wasnt really in the mood to study. was completely annoyed abt wasting the whole day..esp when i had planned to go to the bank in my car.. and by the time it was night.. i was too tired to study. and so i slept till the next morning.
wed exam! totally unprepared. but oh well. i tried to do some last minute cramming. whcih isnt the way i shd be studying. but better than nothing i felt. and post exam... thought we were going out for dinner. we usually ahve post exam celebrations by eating at our fav jap place at glen waverely.. but then dinner plans got completely cancelled.
thurs post-exam celebrations. more like post exam shopping. didnt do much shopping. wasnt really in the mood. still abit upset about having my dinner cancelled on me. was annoyed about the whole situation. and yeah.. felt completely pissed that someone wasnt taking any interest in the shopping that i wanted... and i felt that i was being made used of to get things NOT for him.. but for his family. what happened to the the guy looking after the girl and HER family.... must be a totall unheard of concept. oh well. no dinner again..cos bao had to go home for dinner. and this totally pissed me off again. what annoyed me the most was that he claimed that spending time with me shopping was already spending time with me.. and that he shd go home for dinner. so yes, i went home angry. what's new really. been angry all week. and i had my carlton draught. first one in a long time.... and yes, i miss my beer.
fri last day of school for the week. bao was supposed to come get me for hpkm tute. but traffic was bad. we both missed tute. i bothered to dress up for a change, in hope that maybe he would be at least appreciative. but oh well. it didnt seem to matter if i bothered. which kind of make me think that i probably shdnt give a damn about what i wear to uni anymore. i shd not wear my nice clothes.. maybe swop to trackkies and sloppy tees or like jeans all sem. pple at uni commented on my clothes and boots. many liked the outfit. but bao didnt say anything nice. oh well. 5pm came. and i thought i could finally have dinner with my baobei.. but no dinner again. (so i went a whole week without eating dinner with him.. and he said that at least 'we had sushi'...) drove him home. didnt talk the whole car ride home..cos i was totally annoyed with his attitude towards me. like.. family is important.. but hey,you have family to go home to.. i have an EMPTY apartment to go home to. dont u think you shd try and spend sometime with me or at least have dinner with ur girlfriend so she doesnt need to spend so much time in an empty apartment on her own?!
sat met up with xinhe. went shopping for xinhe's printer and things for his hostel room. missed my baobei all day.. but he claimed he 'didnt have time' to miss me. which totally pissed me offf.. never in my life have i heard that u needed to be free to miss someone. dont u miss ur gf when she isnt with you? what happened to the all so sweeet and loving bf i once had? oh well. so i had more to drink. carlton draught..u're my best friend.
sunday shopping with my buddy, my housemate-nik. we had lunch at red9.. on degraves lane. had 2 coffees there. heehee. caffeine overdose. went boot shopping. found some really nice ones at windsor smith along swanston streeet.. had this really cute pair for 100bucks. not too sure if shd spend tt much on a pair of boots thought.. but mummy has kinda agreed to sponsor the boots if i really like it. heehee. but yeah.. still thinking about it. went to supre and got some nice new clothes.. really need to buy jackets, which hopefully i;ll get to buy when baobei brings me shopping. bao went shopping at chaddy without me. great planner he is really. he was even in the city..and didnt tell me till i got home. which was really awesome. the whole night he was busy reading his msgs on the school portal..but never did i think reading msgs took so long. oh well. i wonder if he is up to anything that is gg to piss me offff. and what irks me the most, is that he didnt reply any of my msgs..or call me back till really really late... and his tone totally is so un-caring. which totally pisses me off.
the 'need to eat dinner at home' is really annoying me. i know ur parents expect you home for dinner each day.. but it isnt that hard to eat dinner with me isit? i mean you got to stay out late and not eat dinner at home when u went out with ur other friends.. is it so hard to do the same for your girlfriend? most guys are the sweetest to their gf.. can u at least try and be nicer to me.. and stop treating me like some punching bag.
i hate it when u plan to do things and dont take into consideration what i;m going to be doing. you can plan to play sport during the breaks, plans what to do during the weekend... plan what u are going to do after work.. but you never plan what to do with ur lil bao. you claim u do nothing wrong and that i have no reason to get angry.. but the reason i'm angry and annoyed is cos you dont do anything at all. you dont make plans for movies, you dont make plans for outing and worse of all, you dont reply calls or msgs.... you know how frustrating it is when i dont answer the phone (esp when my phone is on silent).. now that how frustrating it is each time i;m looking for you and you dont reply at all...
i'm not being demanding. you just need to understand that i dont have family here in melb with me. and that i;m basically alone in this struggle to keep alive at uni. i dont have parents to cook dinner for me or for a maid to look after my washing and cleaning. eveything has to be done by myself... the bills, the finances, the stresses of getting up in time and making sure that everything was in order.. think back of the time when u had to look after the whole house by yourself when ur family was back in hk..and how lonely it was.. that's the same thing i face everyday... the loneliness, the emptyness and the silence. the least u can do is to be here for me.. and try and spend time with your gf, your lil bao.. and not take ur frustrations out on me.
i miss my baobei. i really do.... i just with i could be back to the sunday when i was back in the arms of my booboo.. the time of bliss.. the time of happiness and love.
