i thought i better type what i had in mind, before i dont get the chance to say what i want to say...
1. i appreciate all the times in 2008 that you've put me as part of ur plans and that you have tried to accomodate the things that i want, or the things that make me smile ; ) i truly appreciate having late lunches with you so i dont have to go home and eat on my own.
2. cabrini placements werent as bad as i had expected them to be. i knew that it wld be awkward esp since i didnt know how to react with the breakup and stuff. but i;m glad that i went to cabrini, and that i got to learn as much as i did (or didnt) in the wards, at bedside, at pbls and in ED! i'm thankful that u advise against deferring the year, and that you tried to encourage me in the hospital.
3. going online is something that u seldom do, but i;m glad that u accomodate me and talk to me online so that we dont have to spend extra money talking on the phone. i miss the times we got to play msn poker, but i understand that it will have to wait till after the exams and when the internet connection is not stuffed.
4. eating out. i know eating out can be expensive and to you, it might seem like extra cash that doesnt need to be spent. i appreciate that we try and eat out sometimes so that it isnt just the normal hum-drum of home cooked food or that of subway.. but at least we get to go to yumcha and to nice restaurants for dinner (like sirrocco, or... redmullet for lunchhh!)
5. being friends. i;m glad that we are still friends, and that we still talk,.. but sometimes i wonder how much truth and trust there is in the conversation. somewhere something has changed. the trust seems missing. the truth seems to be missing. but yet. i still believe that you arent lying and that u are being as truthful as possible.
6. placement for next yr i dont know what the status of the swaps are. i dont know if u will really get to swap or if u will really swap into frankston so that i wont be alone. i know that you want to go to the alfred very much, and if that is what you really want.. then i just hope you will do what u think it is best for you. maybe at the alfred, you will enjoy medicine alot more.. and it will inspire you to be a better medical student and a better doctor in the future. i know i;ve been selfish in asking you to swap into frankston with me, and if i had a choice i wld happily go to the alfred too.. but i;m done fighting with you over this. i will have to go to frankston even if you dont choose to go there with me. i will try and make the most of my 18 weeks in semester 2 more or less on my own. and maybe i will just be happier being by myself.
7. holiday plans for summer 08/09 i know the deal was to go to sydney if you didnt have to sit for supps. i know you said that you would gladly pay full price for tickets if u didnt need to sit supps and that it would be a real holiday. but i also know that you said you were kidding, and that i shd probably just go on a holiday with my supposed other close friends. so now i'm letting you know that yes i do want to go on that holiday with you. been dreaming of it for way too long ever since the summer of 05/06. but i know, you wont bring me on a holiday, not cause u will have to sit for supps, but cos you wont be able to leave melb as you will want to be home.. and esp since you bought tickets to kanye on the 6th of Dec... and didnt get tickets for me. i;m actually looking forward to my summer holidays cos 2008 has been way too long and way too tiring a year for me. and i really just want a break from everything.. i want a real holiday, one with no worries... one with lots of fun.. and one that i dont ahve to stress each and everyday... n best yet, one with lots of shopping, so i can get a whole new wadrobe with matching bags to boot!
8. my impossible dream i know you will never agree. and i know you've said a million and one times that we arre only friends. and that i must keep in mind that we are no longer together. and that i cant expect you to always listen to me. that i cant get jealous over the people you call or the girls you hang out with. i know that you need the time to grow, the time to do the things you enjoy, the time to spend with your family.. and the time to just be by yourself and not having to worry about me. i know what you will say, i know what you wont say. and i know it all too well. but the truth hurts, and even if you think that there are many better choices for me out there... there will no one that cld replace you - my sunshine.
good luck for the exams hero!
ps. i hope you know that i do appreciate the things you do or dont do for me. but i also hope you understand the pain and hurt i feel sometimes. and the strong front i put on so that you will think that everything is just fine.
